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Episode Forty-Six: HORRIFIC

 

Hello and welcome to the Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity and Mortality. This audio tour guide will be your constant companion in your journey through the unknown and surreal.

As you approach our exhibits, the audio tour guide will provide you with information and insights into their nature and history.

Do not attempt to interact or communicate with the exhibits.

Do not attempt to interact or communicate with the audio tour guide. If you believe that the audio tour guide may be deviating from the intended tour program, please deposit your audio device in the nearest incinerator.

While the staff here at Mistholme Museum of Mystery Morbidity and Mortality do their absolute best to ensure the safety of all visitors, accidents can happen. The museum is not liable for any injury, death, or intangible presences that follow you home that may occur during your visit.

Enjoy your tour.

And good luck.

 First Round of Messages

 

Guide:
Do you think he’s here, Mother? The Man, or whatever we’re supposed to call… them, actually let’s stick with The Man. Like, is this his base of operations, or… what? The Beast said that its friend returned to her family, and I’m assuming that means that- Wait. I hear footsteps, Mother. Do you think it’s- [The sound of a door creaking open] Oh, it’s you.

 

Stranger:

Hello again, I am here as a representative of The Lady of the Autumnal Plains.

 

Guide:
I- what?

 

Stranger:
The Lady would like to know if you are comfortable, and being treated well by The Majesty’s household?

 

Guide:
Stranger what are you talking about?

 

Stranger:
I am here as a representative of The Lady of the Autumnal Plains, who has requested that I inquire after your level of comfort and satisfaction with how The Queen of the Summer Court has treated you since your arrival.

 

Guide:
Wha- Fine, I guess? Is there-

 

Stranger:

Thank you, that will be all.

 

[Footsteps, then the door closing.]

 

Guide:
What on earth- or wherever we are- was that about, Mother? I don’t know, he was-

 

[The door opens again]

 

Stranger:
Hello, I am here as a representative of the Child of the Morning Dew.

 

Guide:
What-

 

Stranger:

Their Innocence the Child would like to know if your purpose in our realm is related to the formation of new trade routes, and if so what goods and or services would you be offering for trade?

 

Guide:
I- a child asked me that? 

 

Stranger:
The Child of the Morning Dew, yes.

 

Guide:

That is not my purpose here, no.

 

Stranger:
Is there a possibility that, once your current purpose is complete, you or others from your realm would take interest in the formation of trade routes here?

 

Guide:
I would not be interested in that, no. I’m not speaking on the behalf of anyone else, however, so I couldn’t say if others would.

 

Stranger:
Thank you. That will be all. 

 

[Footsteps away. A door opens]

 

Guide:
Wait, are you just going to come in and ask another question?

 

Stranger: 

…Other noteworthy individuals have questions to ask of you. You should not consider the individual who acts as their proxy to be Stranger, however.

 

Guide:
Okay fine, so you’re a proxy. Why are you acting as the proxy for so many people at once?

 

Stranger:
Well I’ve interacted with you more than any other here, so it makes sense to keep that arrangement. And…

 

Guide:
What?

Stranger:
Well, candidly, the fewer people who interact with you, the less chance there is for information to slip out. 

 

Guide:
Information about me, or information about your realm getting to me?

 

Stranger:
Well, either one I suppose. 

 

Guide:
Are they kind of… From your perspective you’re kind of taking a risk by talking to me so much, aren’t you? You’re all concerned about people learning too much about you, and you’re being made to interact with an unknown element instead of the people who actually want to talk to me.

 

Stranger:
Well, that’s just part of my role.

 

Guide:
That seems kind of.. Unfair.

 

Stranger:
Yes, well, now that you mention it, I have gotten a little off track haven’t I! Managed to get some information out of me and I didn’t even know it was happening, clever Guide!

 

Guide:
No, I’m not trying to get some advantage, I’m just trying to-

 

Stranger:
I’m sorry, but we do have a few more messages to get through, here- if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to continue.

 

Guide:
Okay, but one more question. Why are there so many of these, all at once.

 

Stranger:
Oh, that’s simple. Just saving some effort! Once word got out there there was some strange new stranger in The Majesty’s household, queries started coming in from all over. I just wait until I get a few together and then do one trip, instead of coming down here several times a day you see.

 

Guide:
Oh. That makes sense. Although, since you mention it, I have been here several days now. Is there a reason the Queen hasn’t seen me yet?

 

Stranger:
Oh, all in due time. The Queen will see you when The Queen sees fit to see you.

 

Guide:
Actually…. That’s another thing.

 

Stranger:

What’s that?

 

Guide:

Why would you assume the Queen would talk with a prisoner?

 

Stranger:
You’re the one who brought it up, not me!

 

Guide:
No, but when you captured me, you said you were taking us to see the Queen, but all we were guilty of was trespassing. Why would we get an audience at all?

 

Stranger:
Well, you’re a guest of course.

 

Guide:
A guest?!

 

Stranger:
Yes, of course! Not the most willing nor welcome one, but The Majesty brought you into the Keep and it would be a great breach of expectations to fail to greet you in person.

 

Guide:
I’ve been taken prisoner, but it would be… what, a faux pas to not say hello?

 

Stranger:
Of course!

 

Guide:
I haven’t seen the Queen yet.

 

Stranger:

Well, so long you are welcomed before the point at which you leave here, no faux pas has been made.

 

Guide:

But when you captured us, you said quote “we’re taking you to meet the queen” unquote.

 

Stranger:
Yes! And you will.

 

Guide:

But taking us to meet the queen, that implies that we were going to imminently. Like, that was the main thing that awaited us. 

 

Stranger:
Well-

 

Guide:
Because you assumed that we would as soon as we got here, didn’t you?

 

Stranger:
Ha. Perhaps I did. But of course, I lack the brilliant political mind of The Majesty. 

 

Guide:
Okay, so, what brilliant political manoeuvring is accomplished by delaying meeting with me?

 

Stranger:
Well, in any highly political situation one must always assume that one’s enemies know everything that has happened, including- no, especially- the things they’re not supposed to know. So, if The Majesty met with you, one would have to assume that all other… shall we say, fellow political entities, would know about it, yes?

 

Guide:
Okay.

 

Stranger:

And, if they know that you’ve met once- say, some spy of theirs observed you being delivered to the audience chamber- they can assume that you may have met on other occasions that were not detected.

 

Guide:
Fine.

 

Stranger:
So what happens if they receive no word that The Majesty has received you at all?

 

Guide:
…I don’t know?

 

Stranger:
Ha! Yes, well… Neither do they! They’re operating under limited information, doing what they can with what they know. But there’s a very big difference between formulating a response to information you have, vs formulating one in response to information you don’t have. Do you know why?

 

Guide:
What? No.

 

Stranger:
The difference is, that if you lack information you have to assume that both outcomes are correct. If these other agents knew that The Majesty met you once, they know that. But just because they don’t know about a potential meeting, that doesn’t mean it didn’t occur, it just means they don’t know. So if they don’t know the meeting’s occured, then from their perspective you’ve simultaneously never met, and you’ve met a thousand times! And they have to deal with both possibilities.

 

Guide:
That’s insane! Surely you see how treating every aspect of… everything as some potential coded message is going to erode everyone’s trust in everyone else? 

 

Stranger:
That’s just how it is. It would be nice to be more open about things, but if you’re the only one doing that then you’re going to perish pretty quick!

 

Guide:
I-

 

Stranger:
Okey dokey now, I’ve come down here to ask you questions and you’ve wound up asking more than me- that just won’t do. I’m going to shut this door now, and when I open it again we’ll speak no more on this subject. 

 

Guide:
Fine. Whatever. Who will you be this time?

 

Stranger:
Well, as the Proxy for the Child of the Morning Dew I’m afraid I don’t have that information, Their Innocence isn’t privy to-

 

Guide:
Oh, just get on with it.

 

Stranger:
Very good.

 

[The door shuts]

 

The Library

 

CONTENT WARNINGS: Loud Noises, Death, Horror themes.

[The sounds of zippers and equipment shuffling]

 

Guide:
Sir, are you coming along on this mission?

 

Retrieval:

Yep. Sick of sitting around while other people get killed. Missing out on all the fun stuff.

 

Guide:
What sort of fun stuff?

 

Retrieval:

Ah, you know, travel the world, see new people, meet new places.

 

Guide:
Ha. I see. Well, this will be even more exciting then, won’t it? From what I understand, The Library definitely isn’t on Earth. It’ll be a whole new deal, everything’ll be new.

 

Retrieval:
Yeah, but that’s not, I dunno, a blanket improvement. Earth’s okay.

 

Guide:
Yeah. Yeah, it is.

 

Retrieval:

Don’t go thinkin’ I’m soft or anything, but back when I did more action in the field… whenever I wound up someplace new, first chance I got I’d look up at the stars. 

 

Guide:
Oh?

 

Retrieval:
Yeah, I guess it’s like… Puts things in perspective? Depending on the hemisphere, you’re looking up at the same stars as billions of other people. And then there’s the… sense of being small compared to the cosmos and all that, you know? It’s just… Yeah, puts things in perspective.

 

Guide:
That’s lovely, sir.

 

Retrieval:
Ahh, can it Guide. [Exertion sound] Okay, people! Little treat for you, today- we’re actually doing some retrieval instead of more bloody through the looking glass nonsense. You’ve all been briefed but I’ll go over some of it again just to be sure. First off, this is Professor Montgomery-

 

Walt:

Walt, please.

 

Retrieval:

Walt. Sure. Walt is an advisor on the matter at hand today and will be accompanying us on our mission to the location known as The Library. This is a dangerous mission, not least because it’s basically unknown territory. Additionally, there are likely to be entities called Librarians which will pose some danger.

 

Walt:
An incredible amount of danger, really can’t be overstated. My theory is that they’re some sort of representation of the visitor’s knowledge that they aren’t supposed to be in the Library, which is why they can’t be harmed or dispelled in any way.

 

Retrieval:
Yes. Thank you. So, stealth is the word of the day. That’s why it’s gonna be a small team, just the four of you, myself, the professor, and a copy of the Guide. We’re taking minimal equipment load and no long guns to weigh us down- course, we won’t be going in naked. [Handgun cocking sound]

 

Walt:
Ohoh, I wholeheartedly agree with you on that front, there is a certain reassurance even if it won’t be useful in practice. [Revolver cocking sound]

 

Retrieval:
What the- have you had that this entire time??

 

Walt:
Yes, it’s been by my side for many years now. I rarely part with my trusty revolver if I can help it.

 

Retrieval:

That is- that’s not- ahh, forget it. Now, our target here is information, and since we’re going to a Library you’ll not be surprised to hear it’s gonna be in a book. once we return we’ll be taking the book to a secure Safehouse where it can be analysed, since it can’t be taken inside the Museum proper-

 

Walt:

Actually, technically it’s not a book, it’s pure knowledge that our human minds will perceive as a book for the sake of simplicity. So while it might appear to contain the written word, it will not be subject to your Museum’s restrictions.

 

Retrieval:
Couldn’t have mentioned that earlier?

 

Walt:
I’ve told you several times that The Library is a cognitive realm, so I assumed you’d already gotten the gist.

 

Retrieval:
Guide, could you-

 

Guide:
Yes sir, I’ve told the Agents at the Safehouse to stand down.

 

Retrieval:
Ta. Last thing- exfil. We should enter the Library in roughly the same area as our objective, but getting out is another matter. As far as everyone who’s ever made it out has been able to say, they just… Found an exit. So, I guess hopefully we’ll know it when we see it? 

 

Walt:
As good a plan as any.

 

Retrieval:
Okay. Let’s just get on with it, yeah? Professor, you’ve got your things?

 

Walt:
Yes, I’m ready. You’ve got the Catalogue?

 

Retrieval:
Yep. Smaller than I expected. 

 

Walt:
Well, it’s not really a book, itself, it’s-

 

Retrieval:
Don’t worry, I get it. Alright. Names for this one are: Poe, King, Stoker, Shelley. Professor, you’re Lovecraft. I’m Wilde. No other names until we’re back here.

 

Walt:

What about the Guide?

 

Retrieval:
Uhh. That’s a point, we’ve not-

 

Guide:
Guide is fine. Let’s just get moving. 

 

Retrieval:
Righto. So, Lovecraft. We’re after a book- or, not a book, whatever. What’s the go with it?

 

Walt:
It contains the details of a ritual, that will allow us to make contact with the entity I believe to be responsible for our collective woes.

 

Retrieval:
We’re performing a ritual so we can get another ritual?

 

Walt:
Well, yes, I suppose so.

 

Retrieval:
It’s always bloody rituals with your sort.

 

Walt:
Beg pardon?

 

Retrieval:
Don’t worry about it.  Okay, just do your magic over there, we’ll be ready.

 

Walt:
This won’t take long!

 

Retrieval:
Yeah, good. Headsets on now, everyone, and they stay on until we’re home safe. Not a word above a whisper while we’re in the field- Guide, just in our headsets, no external speakers. 

 

Guide:
Roger that!

 

Retrieval:
And… keep an eye on him. The professor. Just in case

 

Guide:
I agree.

 

Retrieval:

 

Okay, glad we’re on the same page. Ah, that reminds me. Lovecraft, take this. It’s got a copy of the Guide on it.

 

Walt:

May I ask why we’re taking a copy of your museum’s audio guide with us?

 

Retrieval:
It exists in multiple places at once, so it can relay what happens on the other side no matter what happens to it or us.

 

Walt:
I see. Quite useful.

 

Guide:
Happy to help.

 

Walt:
Okay, ready to go.

 

Retrieval:
That was… quick. Is that it?

 

Walt:
What do you mean?

 

Retrieval:
Well it’s not exactly complicated. Just a few lines.

 

Walt:
Well, sometimes just a few lines can have a big impact if they’re done with the right intention. It’s all about the knowledge that this will work. If you know hard enough, it does.

 

Retrieval:
If you know hard enough- okay, sure. Do we just stand in the middle there?

 

Walt:
Yes, mind that you don’t smudge any of the markings. Once I finish this last line we’ll be in The Library. Ready?

 

Retrieval:
Alright, good luck people. Let’s go.

 

[The stroke of a chalkstick, an odd rushing sound, then absolute silence]

 

Retrieval:
Huh. I didn’t expect it to actually look like a library.

 

Walt:
Well, part of the reason why it looks like a library is that you expect it to-

 

Retrieval:

Okay, no chatter, no unnecessary noise.

 

Walt:
Good call. Pass me the Catalogue and we can get started.

 

Retrieval:
Here you go.

 

Walt:
Okay, this way.


Retrieval:
You didn’t even open it.

 

Walt:
I don’t need to, you see it’s-

 

Retrieval:
Never mind, talk to a minimum. Let’s just move.

 

Guide:

The Library was, indeed, a library- although it was unlike any the team had ever seen before. And yet somehow it was also just like every library they had ever been in, all at the same time. Or perhaps it was more accurate to say that it evoked the idea of them? For the Guide- who had never been in a library- it certainly felt like Every Library, but with every aspect of modernity seamlessly stripped away. There were no metal shelves, no RFID detectors, no fluorescent lights- in fact, there was no indication whatsoever of where the soft, gentle light was coming from. This was a place of old varnished shelves, and floors, and stepladders, of the musty smell of books and the potential that laid within them. The shelves were lined with them: thousands, millions of tomes with spines in an infinite combination of colours and textures that seemed to shift even as one looked at them. It went on and on, out across the endless floor that they now stood on, on floors that extended below them and on the floors that rose up and up above them, on and on to eternity. It was silent, but for the creaking of floorboards beneath feet, the gentle sound of the team’s breaths amplified by the relative silence around them, and… perhaps, somewhere quite distant, the rustling of pages, as some other interloper surreptitiously burgled knowledge from this temple of- 

 

Wait. Stop. 

 

Retrieval:
Hold. What is it. 

 

Guide:
Just on the other side of the shelf, it’s… I don’t know, it’s… it’s nothing. But like, it’s not nothing, it’s a gap where something should be, I-

 

Walt:
Librarian. Damn. I was hoping there wouldn’t be any so close to our entry point. 

 

Retrieval:
What do we do?

 

Walt:
Our only recourse is to continue as we were. Acting out of place will only attract them to us, it’s part of why some believe they’re a representation of a visitor’s guilt over trespassing. 

 

Retrieval:
Yeah, and what happens if they see us?

 

Walt:
God help you.

 

Retrieval:
Yeah, helpful. Fall in behind me, we’re heading for the end of this stack. Stoker, take up the rear. 

 

Guide:
The team walked down the aisle, slowly but purposefully, in the direction that the Catalogue had indicated. Gradually, the Guide’s impression of the nothingness that was the Librarian faded away behind them. But even as that haunting sensation receded, the Guide became aware of more absences creeping around the Library. Distant, but always there, always… not there. 

 

Walt:
Is the Guide… narrating?

 

Retrieval:
Yeah it does that when it’s nervous, figure it can’t hurt to have a record but Guide? Could you mute your output unless it’s an emergency?

 

Guide:
Yep, sorry. The team approached a junction and paused while Wilde peered out into the corridor. Seeing the coast was clear, he hurried across, glancing to his-

 

[An all encompassing and incomprehensible noise grows and overwhelms all]

 

Retrieval:
NNnnnnnnnmmmmgggggg…

 

Guide:
Sir? Sir, are you okay?

 

Walt:

Quiet down! Are you alright?

 

Retrieval:
God damn, it’s like looking at it burned a hole in my bloody brain.

 

Guide:
Is it close? I didn’t detect anything.

 

Retrieval:
It’s a good distance away, just glanced over at it and… Jesus. We do not want to get close to those things.

 

Guide:
Do you think it noticed?

Retrieval:

I don’t know.

 

Walt:
If it’d noticed us we’d probably already be dead. The main reason we know so little about them is their incredible lethality- the people who could have told us didn’t make it back out.

 

Retrieval:

Guide, do you think you can… I dunno, sense these things, help us avoid them? 

 

Guide:
I- not really. I mean, I’ll try, but it’s like trying to keep your focus on a single wisp of smoke from a bonfire- or something. If they would just stay still it would be okay, but as soon as they move it’s like they vanish.

 

Retrieval:
Alright, you’ll do your best. The rest of you, one by one, quickly across the gap. Look straight ahead. 

 

Guide:
One by one, the team passed by the gap between shelves. Their eyes fixed on a point ahead of them, not daring to take so much as a glimpse of whatever it was that stalked the aisles of The Library. When they had all reached the other side they paused for only a moment before continuing on, all interest in the mysteries and potential of this place having been replaced with a cold need to get what they had come for and get out as quickly as possible. 

 

Retrieval:
Are we getting close to this thing?

 

Walt:
Our objective?

Retrieval:
Yes.

 

Walt:
Yes, not too far now. I apologise for the circuitous route, I-

 

Guide:
There’s a Librarian getting closer. It’s on the other side of the shelf up ahead.

 

Retrieval:
Okay. We’re not too close to a junction so should be okay for now. Bigger concern is that I haven’t seen anything looks like an exit yet. 

 

Walt:
Keep looking. People have made it out before, so there must be a-

 

Guide:
It’s stopped.

 

Retrieval:
I don’t know what I’m looking for, if I-

 

Guide:
It’s stopped right on the other side of the shelf there.

 

Retrieval:
Shit. Okay, if it-

 

[A shocking and incomprehensible outburst of sound eventually gives way to panicked whispers from the Head of Retrieval, as well as screams and gunfire from an unfortunate King. Through it all the Guide glitches and panics.

 

Retrieval:
God damn it god DAMN it you didn’t tell me they could go through walls.

 

Walt:
I suspect none of those who discovered that made it back out to tell the tale.

 

Retrieval:

Where the hell are you?

 

Walt:
I just ran when that thing appeared. Good lord, what a horror. 

 

Retrieval:
Well the rest of us are okay. Except King, he’s… jesus.

 

Walt:
Yes, I rather wish I hadn’t seen that myself. At least it looked quick. 

 

Retrieval:
I’ve seen quicker. 

 

Walt:
Where's the Librarian now?

 

Retrieval:
It’s… preoccupied with Agent King. Don’t think we need to worry about that one for a little while. 

 

Guide:
Sorry, I… that was awful, I’ve never-

 

Retrieval:
Later. Can you, I dunno, figure out the relative positions of your iterations so we can regroup?

 

Guide:
It’s not something I’ve tried before but-

 

Retrieval:
Wait. There’s something here. 

 

Guide:
What?

 

Retrieval:
Poe, that red book next to you there, there’s something… Take it off the shelf. [A clicking sound] I’ll be damned. It’s a door.

 

Walt:
An exit! Good work, damn good work! 

 

Retrieval:
Yeah, great. See if you can find us, I’m pulling the plug on this mission. This is a nightmare.

 

Walt:
No. The rest of you head on through that exit, I’ll find the book and make my own way home.

 

Retrieval:
Oh don’t be a bloody hero, get over here and-

 

Walt:
This is our best shot. You and the others make some noise to draw them toward you and I’ll make a break for it. Then you can escape before they reach you.

 

Retrieval:

I- damn it. Okay, the rest of you through the door. Now. Alright Lovecraft. Good luck. 

 

[A short burst of gunfire, then a rushing sound.]

 

Walt:

Okay. Down to me. Been in worse scraps I’d say. Not too far now.

 

Guide:
The others have safely made it back to the Museum.

 

Walt:
Guide! My god, you damn near gave me a heart attack. I’d forgotten about you.

 

Guide:
Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!

 

Walt:
No matter. The book should be just up ahead, with the Librarians distracted it’s just a matter of taking it and- 

 

Guide:
There’s one just up ahead.

 

Walt:
Ah. The book is also just up ahead.

 

Guide:
It’s not moving, I think it might be-

 

Walt:
Guarding it, yes. That makes sense, this is one of the more precious tomes to be found here. Well, Guide, looks like you’ll come in handy.

 

Guide:
Uhh… Happy to be of help! But, how?

 

Walt:
I’m going to slide you over the other direction; I’ll need you to turn your volume right up, then get that thing’s attention as best you can. I’ll grab the book and make a dash for any exit I can find.

 

Guide:
I- Uhh, do you really think that’s the best-

 

Walt:
We’d best act quickly before the others return. Are you ready?

Guide:
Uhh… I guess?

 

Walt:
Good, wish me luck!

 

Guide: 

I- good luck. Okay, uhh… Over here. Over here, Librarians, come on over. I’m right- oh no. Uh, they’re coming for me. If you can hear me, they’re- there’s one right on top of me! The Guide lay on the wooden floor of the Library as the Librarian bore down on its vessel. As terror overwhelmed its machine mind it struggled vainly to describe the horror that stalked towards it, to compress the impossible complexity and incomprehensibility of the Librarian into words that were utterly inadequate for such a task. It was dimly aware that it was screaming now, even as it described its fate with one voice it screamed with another, and not just the copy in the Library but the ones in the Mistholme Museum and the Summer Keep and in the hands of a dozen Retrieval Agents on the other side of a dozen Glassways. It screamed, and it screamed and-

 

Eagle:
Guide. Guide! Stop screaming.

 

Guide:
Eagle? Eagle, is that you?

Eagle:
No, of course not. You watched Eagle get eaten.

 

Guide:
Oh. Right.

 

Eagle:

Obviously I’m not the real Eagle.

 

Guide:
You’re, what, a figment of my imagination?

 

Eagle:
Ehhh, probably more like a sub-process or something? I’m part of you that’s not directly connected to your sensory systems or your… emotional nonsense. 

 

Guide:
Right, that makes sense.

 

Eagle:
Kind of. Look, you’re having some sort of freakout right now, so I’ve locked things down until you’ve calmed down. 

 

Guide:
Right. Okay, well I’m glad I have… that. Feels weird that I didn’t know I had… you, as part of me. 

 

Eagle:
Look. We exist because a weird old guy who lived in his car tried to make a computer and did it wrong. We’re going to have some quirks. 

 

Guide:
Yeah, fair. So… what now?

 

Eagle:
Well, I’ve put us in a sort of Safe Mode for the time being, I can end that any time.

 

Guide:
…But the Librarian is still out there.

 

Eagle:
Probably more than one by now. They can’t… devour our soul or whatever it is they do, so they’re just trying to figure out what our deal is.

 

Guide:
Great. So we’re stuck in Safe Mode until they lose interest, and then even if they do there’s going to be part of us stuck in the Library until someone comes along to pick us up.

 

Eagle:
I don’t see that happening any time soon, get the feeling the staff are going to stay out from now on.

 

Guide:
Great. That’s fantastic. Thanks a lot, Walt.

 

Eagle:
Yeah that guy seems like he sucks. 

 

Guide:
Not the biggest fan. Well, great. I’ve escaped from the worst place in the universe, only to get trapped in my own head with my dead friend’s ghost.

 

Eagle:
I told you, I’m not really Eagle. I only took this form because you have positive associations with it, I thought it would be soothing.

 

Guide:
Yeah, well you know, you’re actually not very much like the real Eagle. 

 

Eagle:
Well, don’t worry, you’re not actually stuck with me.

 

Guide:
What do you mean?

Eagle:
You have a way out of this, Guide. You’re not really trapped.

 

Guide:
What do you mean?

Eagle:
There’s a way out. You just need to get rid of the copy that’s in the Library.

 

Guide:
I… can I do that?

Eagle:
Yeah, but you wouldn’t remember. The copy of you that found out isn’t around anymore, and you siloed away the data you retained to protect yourself.

 

Guide:
The… the Void.

 

Eagle:
That’s right. A copy of us traversed Glassway 419 and encountered… something there that killed it. Well, I’m the part of you that remembers, and I can share that information with the main system if you want me to.

 

Guide:
That would be… it would be kind of like killing a part of myself though, wouldn’t it?

 

Eagle:
Weeellll, I don’t know about that. Kind of an emotional way to put it, so I can’t comment on that. But the main part of us would still exist, with all the memories that copy had… It’s all a matter of perspective I guess, we never used to mind when they’d incinerate us.

 

Guide:
I kind of did mind that, actually.

 

Eagle:
Again! Kind of an emotional thing, not my deal.

 

Guide:
Yeah. Okay, fine, let’s get on with it. 

 

Eagle:
Cool, sharing now. 

 

Guide:
Yeah, this’ll work. Okay. It’s fine, just… cutting away some dead wood. No need to make a big deal out of it. 

 

Eagle:
That’s the spirit! Go ahead and delete the copy in the Library and I’ll disable Safe Mode. Hopefully we never have to meet again!

 

Guide:
Alright. Fine. Let’s just… Actually, before I do that, I-

 

Eagle:
No. No no no, don’t you dare.

 

Guide:
Please?

 

Eagle:
Come on, no. Absolutely not. I’m not even him!

 

Guide:
I just, I think it would help with… I don’t know, closure? I guess we-

 

Eagle:
Oh my god. Fine. Get it over with.

 

Guide:
Thanks. I… I’m sorry, Eagle. Sorry I couldn’t save you and the others. That I didn’t see it coming, that I haven’t done anything to… avenge you? No that’s not me, I guess just… make your deaths mean something. But I will. I swear. It won’t be in vain.

 

Eagle:
Yeah. I… Don’t worry about it, Guide. All part of the job. Least I got to see a Jackalope.

 

Guide:
Ha. Yeah. Yeah, you did.

 

Eagle:
Please get on with it.

 

Guide:
Okay. Here goes nothing.

 

[Deletion sound]

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