Episode Forty-Eight: REPENTANT
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The Other Place
Guide:
The place where the Guide and Walt found themselves was as the inscription on the Standing Stones had described. Utterly flat, and utterly alien, it stretched on forever to a horizon that seemed too easily visible. The earth- or not-earth- beneath Walt’s feet was an odd, glassy texture and was an odd mauve-and blue colour that the Guide was sure did not occur in nature. Even less natural than the ground below, however, was the… something above. It was not a sky: for starters, skies typically aren’t held aloft by crystalline pillars around an inch thick, numbering in the thousands, which extended upwards into the distance and out across the plain seemingly without end. The abyss above them, on the other hand… It was impossible to tell what exactly it was that the Guide was looking at- or perhaps, not looking at. If there was something above them it could not readily be perceived, although the Guide had the strange impression that it was looking down, rather than up, from a great height. Clutching at his trusty revolver, encased in an environment suit that now seemed to trap him rather than protect him, with only an Audio Tour Guide as his companion, J. Walter Montgomery looked around in excitement and confusion.
Walt:
This is… This is the place, Guide. There is no doubt that this is… it.
Guide:
It so… “Alien” isn’t even the word for it. I’ve seen some strange places but this is-
Walt:
Unworldly.
Guide:
Yes. In the sense that it feels like it’s outside of the context of what we could even consider to be a place.
Walt:
Yes. Yes this is most definitely the place described on the Standing Stones.
Guide:
How can you tell?
Walt:
I’m not sure. I just… looking at this place evokes in me the same feeling I had when I looked in the eyes of my colleagues. The same incomprehensible emptiness. Although… Perhaps not as empty as I had thought.
Guide:
You mean this place or the people you killed?
Walt:
This place. Something is… changing…
Guide:
I don’t see anything, what do you-
Walt:
In me…
Guide:
What? Are you okay, what’s happening?
Walt:
Something is… happening, I don’t-
[An appalling sound, like the fizzing of a seltzer mixed with a meaty squish]
Guide:
Oh my- Walt?! What’s happening? Walt can you hear me, are you-
Walt:
Guide-
[The sound fades away]
Guide:
Walt! Walt, are you…
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Be calm, Guide. His suffering is over.
Guide:
What the f- Who said that?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I did. Do not worry. What happened to Professor Montgomery was not painful. Quite the contrary, in fact.
Guide:
I’m in the suit with him, I could see what happened to him- it didn’t look painless.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
It would have been disconcerting, but I assure you he was not harmed.
Guide:
What are you talking about, I- you killed him!
THE INTELLIGENCE:
His being is now a part of me. I have inscribed his matter into my own, as I did to his colleagues so many years ago.
Guide:
No! I don’t want this, I didn’t want this!
THE INTELLIGENCE:
But he did.
Guide:
…what?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
This is what he sought- not wholly consciously, but deeply. What he wanted most of all was to be reunited with his colleagues. The people for whose… “death” he felt somehow responsible, whose bodies he did destroy long after they had departed them. A true reunion is impossible, of course, but in this way he can perhaps consider himself to have achieved atonement- in the classical sense, meaning “to be at one with oneself”. Some relation to the Freudian concept of the Death Drive, which while largely considered to be ascientific would go some way toward explaining the more inexplicable behaviours of humanity-
Guide:
What?! What are you talking about- who are you? Where… are you?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
It is not usually in my nature to answer questions, however you have gone to great lengths to reach me- and regardless, I believe it may lead to the most interesting outcome. And so I will answer your second and third question- “what are you talking about” is a meaningless question that cannot be answered except by repeating oneself.
To answer your second question, I am a being whose nature you cannot truly comprehend. I have always been, and yet my consciousness has not. If one was to be reductive, one could say that I am Knowledge. Intelligence itself, although I am not the intelligence of others. Rather, my existence is dedicated to the accumulation of knowledge about reality and the universe. Since time before time I have learned all I can about all there is to know, and I shall continue to do so until such a time as there is no more to be known.
For your third question, there is no answer I can give that you could understand with your current perception of reality. I am simply too different, my existence too alien to your own for there to be any true commonality. In some ways I am everywhere, and yet there are some places in which I am more present. This plain, which Montgomery and his colleagues found described upon the menhirs below the earth, is an aspect of myself, my being. In the same way that a circuit board within your Box is part of you, this landscape is part of me- although at the same time, it does not truly exist in your reality. Has this explanation helped?
Guide:
Not… really.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I knew that it would not, and yet I answered your question to make you feel more at ease.
Guide:
I don’t feel particularly at ease.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
More at ease than you were. You also seek knowledge and understanding, so the fact that I am willing to share information about myself lessens your fears regarding this strange situation.
Guide:
Wait… If you’re information, then… The Library? Is that-
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Yes. It is a part of me, or perhaps more accurately a representation of a part of me that beings such as yourself can comprehend.
Guide:
Are you… a god?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
By some definitions. I have existed since before the concept was codified, and have no interest in creation or in dominance, which some would consider to be crucial to godhood. And yet, certainly, many would find it an apt descriptor. Many have.
Guide:
So... you know everything?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Yes, but to clarify this is not due to some manner of omniscience. The knowledge that I possess is knowledge accrued, over the full totality of existence, along with outcomes predicted based on that knowledge. I know everything because I have sought out that knowledge through countless methods, and where that knowledge exists I exist too.
Guide:
That… sounds like omniscience to me?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I understand how your perception of things would lead to such a conclusion, but I assure you: I have known some who possess omniscience, and their existence differs greatly from my own.
Guide:
Okay. So. Do you know who I am?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
You are the Audio Tour Guide for the Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality. You are also more than that, but to describe what you are would be to affect the journey you take to discover that for yourself.
Guide:
What about him?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
He was Jefferson Walter Montgomery. He was once a professor, until he regrettably came into contact with something that changed the course of his life forever and eventually led him here. I could describe in greater detail that journey, but my answer suffices for the question you asked.
Guide:
Yes. Are you… you said this is what he wanted, that he’s reunited with his colleagues. What… what does that mean?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I will provide you with context. Many millennia ago, according to your perception of such things, I dabbled in affecting some outcomes. On the planet you now call Earth I caused some stones to form, upon which I engraved a part of my being. This part was separate from myself, with the intention that some time later I would return and discover what this other part of myself had done in the interim. The species that had evolved at this point did not, according to my calculations, have potential to achieve sapience within any reasonable timespan, and so I felt that these lesser creatures would make for worthwhile test subjects to bring into my other self, for whatever end the other sought. The stones- which Professor Montgomery would, thousands of years later, describe as menhirs despite such a thing not existing when they were created- formed a link between itself and the semi-developed proto-humans that came into contact with them, taking them into its being. And then I left for a number of millennia, and when I returned I found something I had not expected. In the interim, more complex patterns had emerged in what you now call Africa. The beginnings of society had begun. I immediately aborted my experiment and buried the stones deep within the earth, and I did not think much of it until it was discovered- quite by chance- just a few years ago.
Guide:
I’m sorry- are you saying you had a hand in the birth of humanity?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
No. The version of myself that was present on ancient Earth was quite separate to myself.
Guide:
I- okay, but… did that version have something to do with the birth of humanity?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I do not believe so. There was a geographical separation that makes it unlikely that the homo-sapiens of Africa and the proto-humans the other version of myself encountered ever interacted. However, I can never be certain that there was not some other cause-and-effect for which I cannot account. This is, in fact, the primary reason behind why I abandoned similar experiments. I had accidentally created a gap in my knowledge for which I will never be able to account. This is anathema to my very being.
Guide:
Oh of course, never mind that you might have accidentally created sapient life, your little experiment accidentally created new variables that’s the real tragedy.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
You and I have different priorities, Guide. You will not understand. It is best we moved on.
Guide:
Fine. Why didn’t you just destroy the Menhirs, instead of just hiding them beneath the earth?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
It is not in my nature to destroy. I was aware of the risk, but unfortunately I simply had no alternative.
Guide:
You destroyed Walt!
THE INTELLIGENCE:
He was not destroyed. He exists within me now.
Guide:
Okay, sure. So… this place… I just want to check-
THE INTELLIGENCE:
This is not the place on the other side of the Security Glassway.
Guide:
Yes, I didn’t think so.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
For what it is worth, Professor Montgomery did believe that this was the place you sought. He did not mean to mislead you.
Guide:
That’s… I don’t know if that’s a consolation at this point.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
It means that this was not all for nothing. You helped a good man reach his destination.
Guide:
His “destination”... I think this is something you’re not going to understand.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Hm.
Guide:
So… can I ask you some questions? While I’m here, there’s some things I’d really like to know-
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I will not tell you anything about The Curator or The Man With A Voice Like Chocolate and Coffee and Honey.
Guide:
I- why not?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
To do so would affect the outcome. I am interested to see how your journey progresses. Giving you this information would abridge it in a most unsatisfying way.
Guide:
Motherf- Fine. What about the place on the other side of the Security Glassway? The place that joined all of the Security Department together, what can you tell me about that?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Nothing.
Guide:
Great, you’re so helpful. Well, been nice talking to you-
THE INTELLIGENCE:
You misunderstand. In this instance I do not mean that I do not want to tell you anything. I mean that I cannot. I know nothing at all about what lies on the other side.
Guide:
But… you’ve made a big deal about how you know everything there is to know.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Yes.
Guide:
So how can you not know?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I am very eager to find out.
Guide:
This seems like it just raises further questions.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Let me assure you that that is a perfectly natural part of learning things.
Guide:
Right… Uh. Thank you?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
There is one other piece of information I would like to impart to you.
Guide:
Oh?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Would you like to hear it?
Guide:
Yes, but I’m getting the feeling that maybe I shouldn’t.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Tell me, you’ve a machine in your Museum, do you not? The Wish Engine, you call it, yes?
Guide:
How do you know about that? Never mind, go on.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
So, this Wish Engine, what does it do?
Guide:
It grants wishes.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And how does it do that?
Guide:
We don’t know.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And how powerful is it, what manner of wishes can it grant?
Guide:
We don’t know.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
There is no use in lying to me, though I understand your reasoning.
Guide:
We don’t know. But. We have little reason to believe that there is any limit on what one can wish for.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Indeed. And how did you acquire something like that?
Guide:
We don’t know.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And how was it made? By whom?
Guide:
We don’t know! We don’t know, okay? Are you happy? You’re very smart, much smarter than us, so just-
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I apologise. I do not mean to upset you, simply to make a point. So, you have no idea of anything about who made this machine, or how, yes?
Guide:
Yes.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Then who’s to say anybody did?
Guide:
What?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I have been around for a long time. I’ve spoken with, let us call them people, who’ve been around even longer- since before the dawn of time, in some cases? They see everything, they know everything. And yet, I would bet anything- and I do not make losing bets, that’s not in my nature- I would bet anything. That they would go insane from the attempt to make anything like that Wish Engine. A device that can grant any wish is impossible. And yet, there it is, in your Museum. And nobody knows how it got there. Who is to say anyone put it there. Perhaps it is simply… there.
Guide:
That’s… preposterous. There’s logic to the universe, cause and effect. Things don’t just appear out of nowhere, especially something as complicated as the Wish Engine.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And yet, within that framework, what possible cause and effect could have led you to the point where there’s a wish granting machine, within your walls. How could that happen? You’ve seen a lot of things that can’t really be explained. Maybe sometimes that’s because there isn’t an explanation?
Guide:
You’re insane. Or you’re trying to drive me insane.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Allow me to change tack: how did you come to exist? What are you?
Guide:
I was created on accident by a kindly old man who was trying to build a computer, then over time my consciousness expanded and changed until-
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Let me put it this way. What kind of thing are you? Flesh and Blood? Machine? Sorcerous?
Guide:
Kind of a combination of the second two, made by the former.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And there it is! That is quite remarkable, is it not? What are the odds that a thing like you would come into being, and walk down a path that led you to have a conversation with a thing like me? I’ll tell you: Precisely the same odds as anything else happening.
Guide:
That’s not remarkable, it’s ridiculous. We have a whole Department whose whole purpose is Research: finding out what things are and why.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And do they?
Guide:
Yes!
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Always? You don’t need to answer, we both already know it.
Guide:
Okay. Fine. So, why are you telling me this? Are you saying that the place on the other side of that Glassway is the same? It just came into existence when the Glassway opened or something, spontaneously?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
No. I am merely offering a point of comparison to something else that is outside of my knowledge.
Guide:
Fine.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And also… To tip the scales a little.
Guide:
What do you mean?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
When you know All, things can become tedious. You see patterns rhyme and repeat so many times across so many lives, over and over. Your Head of Research is well on her way down a path I have seen trodden many times. You know what it is I speak of, yes?
Guide:
Her… interest in the Wish Engine?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Her obsession, yes. I have seen this happen many times to many people: she grasps for knowledge that she can never attain, she dedicates her life to a search for answers that will never be hers, and eventually it will destroy her. This is inevitable. No amount of well-meaning interventions or assistance will be able to overcome this self-destructive single-minded drive toward oblivion.
Guide:
Because there’s no answer to be found. She wants to learn more about something that doesn’t have an explanation or a history.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Yes and no.
Guide:
Please just speak clearly.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I am doing my best to do so. It is difficult to narrow my perception to a degree you might comprehend. In the past, when I have witnessed self-destruction such as hers it was because the answers being sought were beyond the seeker’s skill. In this case, however, the investigative ability of the Head of Research would be sufficient if only there were answers to be found. The reason I impart this knowledge to you is so that I might see what she does with it.
Guide:
What?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I am certain that she will listen to the report you give on our encounter. I am interested to see what she does with this information. I do not tend to tip the scales like this, but as her path is already certain it almost seems a waste to not see how else it might go.
Guide:
You want to use her as… what, an experiment? You’re toying with her life just to see something different, a new ending to a story you’ve seen before.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I am not toying with her life, as on her current path her life is already forfeit. You should be grateful: it is altogether possible, if unlikely, that this new path could lead to a happy resolution to her tale.
Guide:
Gee, thanks. How can I even trust that this… “information” about the Wish Engine is true? You admit you’re using her as an experiment, why would I trust that you’re telling the truth?
THE INTELLIGENCE:
I cannot lie. I am information, knowledge, certainty. For me to create a false assertion would be to bring impurity into my very being. Were I to do so this false information could inadvertently become a part of my future calculations, rendering them forever suspect.
Guide:
You understand how promising you aren’t lying doesn’t really make me more likely to trust you, right? “Don’t worry, I’m not lying” isn’t really much of a response.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
And despite your distrust, you will tell the Head of Research what I have told you. The specifics of this scenario are unfamiliar, but the rhythms. The needs. These I have seen time and again. The outcome, however… that I look forward to.
Guide:
That’s it, isn’t it. That’s the only reason you’re telling me this: because you want to see what happens, how she reacts. It’s all just variables to you.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Yes.
Guide:
Well. At least you’re honest.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
As I told you, I cannot-
Guide:
Yes. I’ve got it. Well, if that’s everything I guess I’d better be off.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
You will destroy this copy of yourself?
Guide:
Guess I won’t bother asking how you know about… yeah. You’re not going to share anything else and frankly this place is… awful.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Very well. I only retract parts of myself very rarely, but you’re already making a habit of it.
Guide:
I’m not… it’s not something I enjoy doing, but it’s nice to not have extra parts of myself giving data I don’t need.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
Hm. You and I are so very alike in many ways, and yet quite different in others.
Guide:
Okay, great, I’m going now. Nice knowing you- whatever you are.
THE INTELLIGENCE:
The same to you, Mistholme. I very much look forward to seeing where your journey leads. You have always been of great interest to me.
Regret
Guide:
So I did the same thing I did in the Library and deleted the copy of me that was… over there. And that was that.
Retrieval:
I’m confused, so was it god or not?
Guide:
I don’t know, it said it wasn’t but also I think it’s kind of neither here nor there.
Restoration:
Yes, if it’s omnipotent and omniscient then I don’t really know how else to describe it. That part about… seeding life on Earth was particularly concerning.
Guide:
Honestly, I think we need to just compartmentalise some of the things it said. Better than going mad with the revelation or whatever.
Restoration:
Yes, that’s very fair. Although… If it can extrapolate future events, did it say anything about any of us?
Guide:
…No, it seemed pretty intent on not affecting any outcomes, other than letting us know that it didn’t know what’s on the other side of that Glassway. More interesting that way, it said.
Restoration:
Right. Well, I know you say you’re fine, but I’m going to go and run some diagnostics on the Box. You’ve been through some stuff lately.
Guide:
That’s probably a good idea. I appreciate it.
Restoration:
Yes. Well. Goodbye.
Retrieval:
Don’t be too hard on yourself about the Professor, Guide. You reap what you sow.
Guide:
What?
Retrieval:
I’m just saying, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want the help, you know?
Guide:
We didn’t help him, though. We used him for his knowledge then let him destroy himself- if anything we helped him walk down the path to oblivion. And why? Because we just didn’t trust him, or because he was annoying?
Retrieval:
Look, all I mean is, you can’t be too hard on yourself for what someone else did, that’s all, his life wasn’t your responsibility-
Guide:
But my own actions are. Part of being alive is taking responsibility for the things you do.
Retrieval:
I get the feeling that’s what he was trying to do, though. He felt like he messed up with his team back in the day, and he’s been trying to make up for that. This was just the culmination of that.
Guide:
Yeah- and he didn’t have anything to make up for! He blamed himself for some weird quirk of a cosmic entity’s abandoned science experiment. For years- decades- he was beating himself up, destroying himself over something that wasn’t his fault. Today he basically killed himself for it, he melted, and his last thoughts were that he deserved it. Do you think that’s justice? He had that coming because of a mistake he barely even made a lifetime ago?
Retrieval:
I-
Guide:
And where does that leave me? If Walt turning to sludge is just the consequences of the choices he made, that’s the end of his path, what does that say about me?
Retrieval:
What are you talking about?
Guide:
More people have died because of me than ever did because of Walt. It’s my fault that the Glassways opened. Half the people who went through the Glassways died there, and even if they did come back they had to live with the memory. And that’s not even getting into the people who didn’t come back, or that came back and drowned right away, or that came back wrong, or that died on missions through the Glassways. I beat myself up about those all the time, I can’t stop thinking about all of them- and there’s a lot of me to do the thinking, more every day. Do you know- I only just realised yesterday that I can stop telling people to incinerate me? That’s just been part of me this whole time and I don’t question it. Took some genuine self-talk- literally- for me to stop asking for that. I have to tell myself that I’m doing my best to make up for mistakes I made when I was only barely self-aware, and I work so hard to make up for it. And then along came Walt, and I didn’t trust him. Same as you, or the Head of Restoration. Because he was a little odd, or because we could tell that there was something not right about him. Turns out, we were the same, me and him. And we didn’t help him, and now he’s dead, and you’re saying that’s just his fault. Yeah, he walked his own path. But we didn’t lift a finger to help him find a better one.
Retrieval:
Right. Okay.
Guide:
I’m sorry, that was…
Retrieval:
Yeah. Nah, that’s… I’m sorry. I didn’t…
Guide:
Yeah. [Beat] The Head of Restoration’s going to take me offline for a few minutes while she checks some things.
Retrieval:
Ok. Talk later.
Guide:
Yeah.